Okay… Now that I’m officially back in Baltimore - home from my two-week whirlwind of a tour that took me through five different countries and economies - I feel like I can be honest with you.

I don’t think all this growth is a good idea. I mean, when you’re in an emerging market, you expect certain things, like second-class toilets and cash-only bars. You don’t expect evil technology to throw you under a bus, or down an escalator, as was in my case.

I was minding my own business, making my way through what appeared to be a run-down train station from the late 1970’s. By the way, switching trains enroute to your destination is about a common as crossing the road here in the States.

Anyway, I’m with a group of tourists headed from the lower platform to the arrivals area where I’ll find out where my next train is leaving from. Everything was running smoothly. There are two escalators headed to arrivals: one is moving up and the other is stationary. I think it’s broken.

So while a group of folks step on the up escalator, I decide to get a hike in and head up the stationary side.

Big mistake, and I’ve got the bruises to prove it.

I wasn’t alone in my decision… Two fellows climed ahead of me. I had made it to the middle of the “steps” when the first guy gets to the top and triggers a sensor. Yes, this escalator was one of those new-fangled modern, energy efficient killers that starts working once someone crosses the fancy light sensor at the top.

Of course, this side of the escalator is headed in the opposite direction I am.

A battle ensues between little ol’ me, with my massive pack on my back, and the evil escalator. A mere three steps from the top, my legs are burning, and I’m stretching forward to reach the top.

Unfortunately, my heavy bag shifts forward, and I stumble onto my hands and knees like a drunk trying to hail a cab.

Not pretty.

And to top it all off, I’m so friggin’ tired, I can’t get back up! I end up riding the escalator all the way down to get on the right side, which I should have just done in the first place.

You get my point, don’t you? Emerging markets shouldn’t just plop some new technology into old surroundings. They should warn you, or something. I much prefer the low expectations of places like, say, underground bars with unusual names.

Take the Alligator, for example.

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Two countries, three trains, two trams, and two buses later and I’ve arrived at my final destination on this tour: Budapest.

From the tiny town of Tatranska Lomnica, I made my way to Bratislava, the capital of Slovakia. It’s not the best place for photos, though there are several palaces that are camera worthy, and the main square, which is surrounded by embassies, is a nice place to start your shopping.

Bratislava is fairly cosmopolitan, though. There are plenty of international businesses, like Ernst and Young (Private). It’s also home to the stock exchange, the BSSE.

And, like Krakow, there’s a lot of construction going on. As I told you last time, growth has not been checked so you’ve got unusual buildings thrown up side by side with historical sites. Take a look at the panoramic photo of the city.

Lots of concrete…

And cranes.

The city has quite a ways to go, though, but it’s getting a lot of influence from its surrounding countries. Bratislava is a mere three hours from Vienna, and is right on the border with the Czech Republic, too. It’s also 200 kilometers (124 miles) from Budapest, which is by far the largest city on my trip.

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For Russian citizens, bread lines have given way to conga lines at one of the hottest resorts in Turkey.

The commodities boom in Russia is allowing the former Soviet citizenry to enjoy the Life of Riley that Americans once took for granted.

Instead, we now get the Staycation.

Our former Cold War enemy enjoys water aerobics; we park a beach chair under the backyard sprinkler. Our former Cold War enemy hops a plane to some hot resort; we can’t afford to back the SUV out of the driveway. Our former Cold War enemy savors caviar by candlelight; we chow down weenies at the Wal-Mart.

But don’t worry, it’s OK. You’re taking part in that new American sensation called the Staycation. While Big Media would like you to believe that the Staycation is a good thing, it really is just another clue that we lost the Cold War to Russia.

Rather than face up to our Cold War defeat and invest accordingly, we let Big Media package our economic house arrest as a cheery Staycation. You’re not poor; you’re on a Staycation. Sure, go ahead and spend $70 on the family to see the latest Indiana Jones remake set in a time when America ruled. Back then, the Dow Jones Industrial Average really meant something.

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